Kat 的个人资料Kat's space 剪刀手爱德华照片日志列表更多  |  工具 帮助 |
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2009/4/18 THE DARKNESS CALLS..BLUE...DARKNESS...ABONY, EMBRACE...TAKE ME TO A QUIET PLACE. FOR JUST A FEW HOURS MAY THERE BE STILLNESS, NOTHINGNESS. DARKNESS...I AWAIT YOU EACH NIGHT...WHY DO YOU REEFUSE TO COME AND STAY BUT MEARLY TEASE AND TORMENT? SLEEP....REST...I ACH FOR RELEASE...DARKNESS...IF YOU HEAR ME, PLEASE...COME NOW.. 2009/3/8 GROWTH ........GROWTH IS HARD........ My life has had so many twists and turns, up's, down's, and I have been very angry...for a long time. People continue to perplex me with their apparent lack of conciousness and their blindsided views. Yet, I have reached a point where I no longer care. I understand that I will never be "normal", nor do I wish to be. The trials of the last few years have tested me to the breaking point, but here I remain...unbroken, stronger, wiser and no longer afraid of the future. There are things that I have lost...they pain me...but the things I have gained in return, compensate.
As a young girl, I had dreams of love, a perfect union and a happy life. Love has been less than kind to me, my perfect union was a 21 year desent into hell and back but happiness in life, comes and goes. I no longer seek another to fullfill me, or compleat me...as only I can do that. Striving each day to grasp thhe here and now...for everything changes and nothing is forever.
I made a promise to myself, that no matter the outcome, I would find the courage to try. I do so each day...fighting the voices in my that call me back...I may never find the answers I seek, the love I crave , or inner peace. Know only that I shall "NEVER SURRENDER".
Yes...I CAN! 2009/1/27 Talking about YouTube - P!nk - So WhatYo this sista has it goin on and this song proves it!...Go PINK!!! Quote Talking about YouTube - P!nk - So What 2008/10/13 Talking about YouTube - Nine Inch Nails - Hurt: Live Quote YouTube - Nine Inch Nails - Hurt: Live Talking about YouTube - Nine Inch Nails - Head Like a HoleBOW DOWN BEFORE THE ONE YOU SERVE, YOUR GOING TO GET WHAT YOU DESERVE! Quote YouTube - Nine Inch Nails - Head Like a Hole 2008/6/25 LUNATIC FRINGE..WELL..JUST ANOTHER SICK DAY IN THE NEVER ENDING BATTLE TO RID MYSELF OF THE PITTIFULL, PATHETIC, SICK, TROUBLED, FRIGHTENING, ANNOYING AND MIND TWISTING APPERITION THAT WAS ONCE MY BELOVED HUSBAND. THE MAN TO WHOM I VOWED TO LOVE, HONOR AND CHERISH..TILL DEATH DO US PART.
THE PERSON WHO HAS NOW BECOME MY BITTER ENEMY. WHO HAS THRETENED MY LIFE, STOLEN AND TRASHED TWO OF MY CARS, BETRAYED ALL MY MOST INTIMATE SECREATS AND HAS PERMANENTLY SCARED MY MIND.
I KNOW YOUR OUT THERE, WAITING, WATCHING...LIKE SOME VILE EVIL ENTITY. DETERMINED TO DESTROY WHAT FUTURE I MAY HAVE. ANHIALATE ANYONE WHO MAY BEFRIEND ME, RIP AND REND ASUNDER, MY RELATIONSHIPS WITH MY BELOVED SON'S.
KNOW THIS..I AM NO LONGER YOUR'S TO DO WITH AS YOU CHOOSE. I HAVE TAKEN BACK WHAT I GAVE YOU. MY HEART, THOUGH BROKEN AND BATTERED, REMAINS INTACT. YOU CANNOT EVER AGAIN HURT ME, AS YOU DID FOR SO VERY LONG. DO YOU HEAR ME? MY LIFE IS GOOD AND MY HEART IS PURE AND I AM WORTHY OF BEING LOVED.
LOVE WILL HEAL THE WOUNDS..LOVE AND TIME. ONE DAY, YOU WILL REALIZE THAT IT IS YOU WHO HAS REALLY LOST. YOUR DIGNITY, HONOR, PRIDE, BRILLIACE...THEY ARE GONE AND IT IS NOT MY FAULT. IT WAS ALWAYS YOUR CHOICE...YOU CHOSE POORLY...YOU ARE A FOOL AND YOU HAVE CROSSED THE LINE.
WALK NOW IN DARKNESS AND SUFFER, AS I DID ALL THAT COMES WITH THAT SLOW AND ETERNAL DECENT INTO HELL.
I WISH YOU WELL..I DO NOT HATE YOU. YOU ARE NOT WORTHY OF THE WASTED ENERGY THAT HATRED REQUIRES. IN FACT....YOU ARE NOT WORTHY OF THESE WORDS THAT I HAVE PLACED UPON THIS SCREEN...BUT THEY NEEDED TO BE SET FREE...SO THAT I CAN MOVE ON.
WHEREVER THE FUTURE TAKES ME, A PART OF YOU WILL ALWAYS BE THERE WITH ME. I WILL STRIVE TO REMEMBER THE MAN YOU WERE...AND FORGET THE MONSTER YOU HAVE BECOME...I AM NOT AFRAID ..I AM STRONG AND I WILL MOVE ALONG.
GOOD-BYE MY LOVER....GOODBYE MY FRIEND...ONCE...YOU WERE THE ONE FOR ME.....KAT
 2008/6/14 For: TumbleweedDear Tumbleweed, If u get this message then know....I M SORRY....
 KAT, BUT U R STILL THE SAME CRAZY, FUCKED UP ASS-HOLE THAT YOU'VE BEEN FOR SO LONG. It is such a waste....23 yrs. for what?SO.......good_bye....mAYyOUfINDurPeace....SUMDAY 2008/3/30 EVERYBODY TAKES....What a world i see through the misty haze that covers my sad and tear filled eyes. One in which those i consider to be my friends and those whom i love, seem to be bent on ripping me apart piece by piece. They take great delight in watching the blood drip from the miriad of tiny holes which they have torn away the flesh.
A sense of power fills them at their ability to derive pleasure from the pain they inflict upon my fragile mind. Watching me sqirm, they feel fullfilled. With each tiny tear, they gain strength.
I gave them trust, love, devotion and in return, have recieved agony, confusion and deciet.
SO..TO THOSE WHOM I HAVE GIVEN FOR NAUGHT I SAY THIS...
Karma is an awsomw thing. It keeps track of the life you live and how you live it. Going out of your way to cause pain and suffering to others, while momentarily gratifing, will catch up to you. Karma will see to it that you pay for your intentional crualties. it may be upon your death bed, staring into the great abyss...that it will all suddenly become clear. You lie there alone, or surrounded by vultures awaiting you demise..just as you once were, they too wait to feed upon you. Or perhaps you will loose your job, family, money, home, respect, health, mind...I know not when, where or how...I only know that in the depths of my personal hell..there exists this one thing..I need not seek retribution for the wrongs done me...karma...will assure that this too shaLL come to pass..
Why? What is my crime? Careing...this is no crime..this is what makes me human...and those who intentionaly or through sheer ingnorance, hurt me....lees than.
2008/3/8 DESOLATIONSo here I am, alone and all up inside my head. Trying to make sense of the miriad of twisted data swimming in my frountal cortex. Asking useless questions that have no answers, trying to understand why? Why did 22 yrs. of marriage result in so much sickness and anger..resentment, pain..confusion, lonliness...what a waste of possibilities. Why is my son, almost 21, so damn selfish and oblivious to the fact that "Mommy" needs YOU for a change? Why is my friend and lover..staying in a situation that can only take him down...Why are people so fucked up and abyismally stupified that they cannot see the world coming to an end right in frount of their glazed and red rimmed eyes? So busy chasing the dollar, the "American Dream"....the nightmare of death in a far off land where we do not belong...the devastation of our environment...forest, field, stream and river...polluted, raped, paved over and damned...as are we all if my fellow American Idiot's don't get their communal heads out of their communal asses...soon
I'm ranting..I often do. I have my opinions..most folks won't read em' and when they do...I get "THE LOOK". I do not care. I write to purge my gut's, to sleep, to breath another day...to try to understand those god damn questions that are still swimming like so many goldfish..inside my sick mind...  2008/1/21 BROKENTHE BROKEN CLOCK IS A COMFORT, IT HELPS ME SLEEP TONITE
MAYBE IT CAN STOP TOMARROW, FROM STEALING ALL MY TIME.
I AM HERE STILL WAITING, THOUGH I STILL HAVE MY DOUBTS.
I AM DAMAGED AT BEST, LIKE YOU'VE ALREADY FIGURED OUT.
I'M FALLING APART,
I.M BARELY BREATHING.
WITH A BROKEN HEART,
THAT'S STILL BEATING.
IN THE PAIN THERE IS HEALING,
IN YOUR NAME I FIND MEANING.
SO I'M HOLDING ON, I'M HOLDING ON, I'M HOLDING ON,
I'M BARELY HOLDING ON TO YOU.
THE BROKEN LOCKS WERE A WARNING
YOU GOT INSIDE MY HEAD.
I TRYED MY BEST TO BE GUARDED,
I'M AN OPEN BOOK INSTEAD.
I STILL SEE YOUR REFLECTION INSIDE MY EYES.
THAT ARE STILL LOOKING FOR PURPOSE, THEY'RE STILL LOOKING FOR LIFE.
I'M FALLING APART, I'M BARELY BREATHING.
WITH A BROKEN HEART, THAT'S STILL BEATING.
IN THE PAIN, THERE IS HEALING
IN YOUR NAME I FIND MEANING.
SO I'M HOLDIN ON, I'M HOLDIN ON, I'M HOLDIN ON,
I'M BARELY HOLDIN ON TO YOU.
I'M HANGIN ON ANOTHER DAY,
JUST TO SEE WHAT YOU WILL THROW MY WAY.
AND I'M HANGIN ON TO THE WORDS YOU SAY,
YOU SAID THAT I WILL BE OK.
THE BROKEN LIGHTS ON THE FREEWAY,
LEFT ME HERE ALONE.
I MAY HAVE LOST MY WAY NOW,
HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN MY WAY HOME.....
2007/12/9 Soul Meets BodyI want to live where soul meets body
And let the sun wrap it;s arms around me
And bath my skin in water cool and cleansing
And feel what it's like to be new.
'Cause in my head there's a Greyhound station
Where I send my thoughts to far-off destinations
So they may have a chance of finding a place where they're far more suited than here
And I cannot guess what we'll discover
When we turn the dirt with our palms cupped like shovels
But I know our filthy hands can wash one another's
And not one speck will remain
And I do believe it's true that there are roads left in both of our shoes
But if the silence takes you then I hope it takes me too
So soft eyes I'll hold you near 'cause your the only song I want to hear
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
Where soul meets body 2007/10/31 Talking about 'Please Visit Your National Parks' by Oxford Collapse
Quote 'Please Visit Your National Parks' by Oxford Collapse Talking about 'Working Full-Time' by Constantines HEY..CHECK THE VIDEO OUT Quote
2007/10/19 Car Theives Suck!!OK..Well here I sit..yea sit. Angery, sad, discouraged and feeling helpless. Ya see, day before yesterday...early am....your's truly stopped at a quickie mart to grab a book of matches. I pulled my car right up to the frount of the place and jumped out to run in. Now please understand that I have never left my car running without myself in it....however as fate would have it...I did this time. BIG MISTAKE!!
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my car moving and as I turned toward the door, heard the screech of tires as it , much to my dismay, zipped across the lot and onto the adjacent roadway.....leaving at a high rate of speed.
OH MY GOD!!! I screamed at the poor cashier to call the cops and then proceeded to go bearserk. I simpley could not believe my eyes! I drive...er drove, a 2002 Mercury Sable. Hardly a car that any self respecting car theif would want to steal. What an asshole! As I stormed about the place, sriking fear into the hapless cashier, I grew more furious with each passing moment. See, this happened to me once before about 2 and a half years ago, when my now X husband, stole my then car and proceeded to trash it...literally..it was a total. Now, here I was in the same situation..well almost. This time I did'nt know who had taken it or where, but it was STOLEN rite in frount of my eyes.
The county mounties came, at long last and took my information. The store has serveilence and they asked for that tape. The nice officers then drove me home and told me to call my insurance agent. Oh goody...is this gonna cost me the deductable cause some stupid shit took my ride? GREAT>>What next? I recieved a call late yesterday afternoon from a police jurisdiction some ways from my home, informing me that indeed my vehicle had been located. Unfortunatly, it was stripped and pushed down a slight ravine into some trees. A TOTAL>>>>>>AGAIN!!
Today I get to hash it out with my agent, who will offer me low blue book on my lost baby, and I guess a loaner while I look for replacement wheels. To all of you out there who care for your cars, reguardless of their make and or model.....HEED MY WARNING!!! NEVER...not for one minute....leave that baby running. You could be next, and I assure you the feeling is one of greatest discomfort and much greief.
AND IN ADDITION>>>TO ALL CAR THEIVES OR WOULD BE CAR THEIVES.....You are a low to the earth, pathetic, lame, cold hearted and disgusting group. May you all meet your maker at the end of a long and painfull death.
CAR THEIVES.........YOU SUCK!!! WHAT IS HOPE..to youDO YOU EVER WONDER WHAT IT IS THAT KEEPS US PUSHING FORWARD, WHEN IT MIGHT SEEM THAT ALL IS LOST? THE ANCIENT STORY OF PANDORA'S BOX IS WELL KNOWN TO MOST. A GRECIAN STORY, SO MANY ARE...IN WHICH THE DOWNFALL OF ALL MANKIND WAS LOCKED IN A BOX FORBIDDEN TO BE OPENED. YET OPENED IT WAS. AND WHAT, DO YOU THINK WAS FOUND TO BE INSIDE? HOPE. YES HOPE....THAT SMALL WORD WITH SUCH GREAT CONTROL OVER ALL WE DO. WE GO ON, MANY OF US...BASED ONLY ON THE HOPE THAT TOMARROW WILL HOLD A PROMISE OF SOMETHING BETTER THAN TODAY. WHEN ALL SEEMS LOST, HOPE MAKES IT BEARABLE AND GIVES US A REASON TO PERSEVERE...TO TRY JUST A BIT HARDER, ENDURE JUST A LITTLE MORE, BELIEVE, THOUGH IT SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE...IN SOME THING UNSEEEN AND UNKNOWN...I HAVE FOUND THAT TIME AND AGAIN HOPE HAS BEEN MY ONLY DRIVE...AND HOPE HAS LET ME DOWN...THIS ALL SOUNDS VERY DROLL AND SAD DOES IT NOT? YET THIS IS MY BLOG, AND THEREFORE I WILL SAY WHAT I FEEL, NOT WHAT SOCIETY MAY DEEM FIT.
HOPE IS A WHORE WHO LIES TO YOU AND TAKES FROM YOU AND IN THE END...LEAVES YOU WITHOUT MONEY, LOVE, RESPECT AND SOMETIMES...YOUR LIFE.
I HAVE WALKED A LONG ROAD STREWN WITH PITFALLS AND TRAGETY...A ROAD THAT HOPE WOULD HAVE ME BELIEVE...LED TO SOME GREATER PLACE.
NOW I FIND THAT HAVING REACHED 50 PLUS YEARS OF STRUGGLES AND LOSSES...MY BELIEF IN HOPE HAS WORN THIN. THE ONLY THING I BELIEVE TO BE TRUE ANYMORE IS THIS....WHATEVER IS HERE AND NOW...HOWEVER SWEET IT MAY BE..IS ONLY TEMPORARY. IT TOO SHALL PASS..SWIFTLY.I REALIZE THAT WHEN ALL IS SAID AND DONE, HOPE WILL LEAVE ME NOTHING...JUST A BITTER TASTE IN MY MOUTH AND DREAMS THAT COME ONLY IN SLEEP....OF BETTER TIMES and a happier life...gone but not forgotten...AND THE HOPE THAT THESE TOO SHALL IN TIME VANISH FROM MY MEMORIES...THEN PERHAPS I WILL AT LAST FIND PEACE WITHIN..KAT |
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